Thursday, September 25, 2008

In the Land of Lost Books: Cabin #1

So if you've ever perused my lengthy list of blog tags, you may nave noticed the label "books that never were." Perhaps you're thinking, "Uh, Sada, isn't that a tad misleading? Technically, aren't these ALL books that never were?" To which I would have to reply, "Well, yes, you've got me there." The tag, however, refers to books that really, really, REALLY never got off the ground. I may have drawn the characters; charted the family member's names, ages, and favorite colors; or written the back-of-the-book synopsis—I just didn't get around to writing the actual book. Or maybe I started writing the book, but I didn't make it past page two. You know how it is.

The Land of Lost Books is pretty densely populated, so we may find ourselves visiting often. On our first trip here, we have an untitled camp tale, for which I drew a raucous bedtime scene. It's drawn on a ginormo piece of blue paper that does not come close to fitting in my scanner, so I had to scan the left and right halves separately. You'll just have to meld them together in your mind.

Clicking on the images will enlarge them, but I think we have to go through bunk by bunk anyway. Um, speaking of bunks, what is up with these crazy quadruple-decker beds that must be climbed via a trail of teeny-tiny pegs? Holy lawsuit waiting to happen! Also, please note how even though it is a drawing, I managed to finagle references to Tiffany and Kirk Cameron, not to mention sneak in another character named Mandy. But let's start at the tippy-top of the left bunk, with Dora, who may or may not be singing into a fourth grader–sized dildo:

Please note that the campers are apparently required to sleep with their luggage. Also, did you notice the little mark on Dora's bed? I would force friends and family to examine this drawing and select their favorite character. Dora and Carrie were the co-favorites of my indecisive friend Jessica.

Below Dora we have Marie, favorite of no one, who has giant Taylor Dayne–esque hair and is inexusably wearing a snowflake nightie in the summer:

Then there's the Kirk-loving duo of Carrie (that's right, Carrie! not Teresa!) and Mandy:

Carrie is trying to appear trés apathetic in her "Camp is Boring" shirt (which I like to think she puffy-painted during Arts & Crafts), but she cannot feign disinterest in the Kirkster. Mandy (who has two votes—apparently both of my grandparents were digging her) has selected Teen Beat for her bedtime reading.

In the middle of all the hubbub is Cabin #1's clearly beleaguered counselor, Joan. Who has plaid shorts, Converse high-tops, and a whistle. Um, and a hat with her name on it. Hot!:

Up top on the right side, we have Angie, who is either making fun of Counselor Joan or Single-White-Female-ing her really hard:

Next is the duo of Sarah and Tiffany. Sarah is looking quite snazzy in a half-shirt and undies, but I'm not sure how she managed the climb up to the third bunk with her pair of obviously atrophied legs. Tiffany, on the other hand, is overly mobile. And her hair rivals Marie's in terms of sheer '80s volume. Tarzan of the jungle? More like queen of the jungle with that frigging lion's mane she's sporting:

Then, of course, there's Lisa, who, in case you were oblivious to what all those zzz's floating around her head mean, is actually thinking, "I'm snoring." With one eye open. FAKER! Also, I just tried to re-create her sleeping pose on my couch and it was not the most comf:

Where was the story going to go? Who knows! As this picture proves, the possibilities were ENDLESS! But most likely they somehow involved Kirk Cameron.

NEXT TIME: More books that never were. Oh yeah, there are a bunch of them.


LongWinter said...

Ok, you just made my Friday. I'm going to be giggling about this drawing all day.

Linley Dolby said...

Why does Marie have spikes on her feet? Are those for scaling up to her bunk?

Desiree said...

Now I have "I Saw Him Standing There" stuck in my head.

Anonymous said...

Gah! I forgot about the gender-switched Tiffany remake of that song!

zanne said...

That is so funny! I love it. I had tons of "books that never were" but I don't think I ever kept notes on them or anything. I wish I had!

halle said...

i thought counselor Joan was saying, "Time to go to bed, Goys."
Goy (Hebrew: גוי, regular plural goyim גויים in Western languages) is a transliterated Hebrew word which translates as "nation" or "people". Historically and up to modern times it is a synonym for Gentile or non-Jew.

Anonymous said...

Marie is... floating in mid air. Or hanging onto the tiny peg in her weirdly twisted right hand? If I were Joan I'd be more worried about the imminent death of Marie rather than the campers going to bed.

But this is brilliant and I laughed a lot so I love you for it.

Neetee said...

People should read this.