Monday, October 6, 2008

Guest author: Dear Diary

This entry's guest author also happens to be my be fri, Jamie. Growing up, we lived in the same city but went to different elementary schools. But in third grade, the fates aligned and we were assigned as inter-school pen pals. And seriously, it was fate, because here's just a short list of the many things we had in common:
  • BOYS!

  • Chinese food!
  • The same middle name!

  • A fascination with—but weak grasp of—the French language!

  • Swiss Family Robinson!

  • Reading entirely too much!
This was her introductory letter:

Dear Sada,

I am 8 years old. My favorite foods are Pizza, Spaghetti, and Chinnese food. I have one brother and his name is Matt.

Yours Truly,
Jamie
[Next to this she drew a heart with smiley face]

P.S. What is your birth stone? Mine is Emerald

The letter was accompanied by this lovely self-portrait, daringly drawn in profile:


The second letter is kinda about her parents' careers but mostly gives the low-down on all of the birthstones, so I'll spare you. Here's the third letter:

March 18, 1987

Dear Sada,

If we had one special day together we would go to Oz. We would meet all the characters of Oz. We would meet Ozma, the fairy princess of all Oz. She would make us fairy princesses of Oz.

Your friend,
Jamie

P.S. My dad knows your dad.

The following diary entries were also written in third grade, so try to imagine these words flowing from little Jamie's crayoned hand. You might also want to imagine Jamie curled up with a copy of Anne of Green Gables, because she exhibits, oh, just a slight tendency toward Anne Shirley–esque melodrama.

Oct. 3, 1986

Dear Diary,

I went to Lake Tahoe and saved about 30 crawdads life.

I love the picture on front of the cat!

What picture on the front of the cat, you ask? Oh, this one:


I'd say that cat looks less than pleased about being crammed preciously inside a desk cubby.

Well Mary might come over but I don't think she would come over if she had known "Luke" one of my brothers friend's were over

I still hope to see Aaron someday!

Love,
Jamie

Nov. 21, 1986


A Picture for a secret friend, My diary.

Jamie

Nov. 7, 1986

Dear Diary,

I told you I hoped see Aaron someday and I did! But I no care anymore!
I got a new boy! His name is Jon and he is 9 and in 4th grade. He has choclaty brown hair and he has a brother named Rashi. My friend Sarah loves him. He has dirt hair and is in 2nd grade. I love Jon! Bye!

Jamie

Man, the diary was getting Older Men with dessert for hair, and I was getting birthstones! By the way, I love thinking of a fourth grader as an older man.

Nov. 21, 1986

Dear Diary,

I love you! I will always cherish the moments we have shared. Sarah and I are blood sisters. In case you are wondering blood sisters are when you prick a part of you're body and you're friend does and you rub them together. Kate is 9 now. I went to her birthday party. I got her a special teddy bear. I had a tearful but wild parting. My exact words were "The time has come for us to part."

I will write soon.
I promise.

Jamie

I just Googled "tearful but wild parting"—because, seriously, did she come up with that on her own?—and Google suggested that instead I might try "tearful but wild partying." No mention of special teddy bears.

Nov. 24, 1986

Dear Diary,

We went to see some wonderful tap dancers. My favorite one was Baldy! The youngest tap dancer was 69 and the oldest was 75.

Bye, Bye

Love,
Jamie

I don't know where one can go to see geriatric tap dancers, but I would sure like to find out! Jamie?

Dec. 7, 1986

Dear Diary,

We taped Swiss Family Robinson. One of my favorite characters was Frances. He was always getting into trouble

I am getting dad probably a shirt.

I am making mom a beautiful gift of Glittery paper flowers.

Bye, Bye

Love,
Jamie

Dec. 12, 1986

Dear Diary,

My concert was last night and we sang: Kooka burra, Hey Ho Hey lo, Hannaka Song and x-mas song.

On the Hannaka song I had to dance. My face turned bright red.

And what's worse Jon did not clap.

Love,
Jamie

Stupid fourth grade chocolate head!

Dec. 16, 1986

Dear Diary,

Matt is writing a report about the tree.

I do not want him to feel bad but, everybody knows a tree is a plant.

Guess what!
We got our gifts under are x-mas tree.
Merry x-mas!


Bye, Bye
Love,
Great Me Myself,
Jamie

Jan. 28, 1987

Dear Diary,

It's 1987 now.
Happy late New Year
Sorry I have not written a letter to you sooner. We write in cursife now at school. Shall I write a sentence for you? Ok. I will......

i love you!
♥ PEACE

Pardon.

Wee wee Meshouir.
That's French!

Bye, Bye
jamie

April 1, 1987

Dear Diary,

Will you ever forgive me for not writing you a letter in so long? It's about a month and a day.

Diary, I hate you!
April Fools Day!

Every April 1 you go around playing practical jokes.

I know how to write most of the capital letters in cursive. You Are My Diary and i
♥ you

Bye, Bye
Jamie


She really pulled one over on her inanimate secret friend, eh?

April 6, 1987

Dear Diary,

It started out as a A+ day but I changed it to C-.

I got in trouble at school and with my parents.

Bye, Bye
Jamie

This next one I had to scan in so you could get the full effect:


April 26, 1987

Dear Diary,

I am quite able to see now!

Guess what?

Jon got his hair spiked.
It looks sort of good sort of ugly.

I took a big × and ÷ test. I'm afraid I scored low.

Right now Matt is singing Jamie + Jon sitting in the tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G

First comes love,
than comes marrige
than comes the baby in the baby

Jamie

She left out the "carriage," which makes it sound kind of like a "Babies Having Babies" episode on Maury Povich. But seeing as she's in third grade, I guess that's right on the money.

No date on this next one:


Dear Diary,

Have I ever told you the Karate Kid was a dream boy? No? He was the cutest boy I ever saw!

But now Mathew Brodrick ties with Ralph Machio, The Karate Kid. They are both very dreamy!

I with I had there autographs!
Maybe I can pretend.



Dream boys!

Bye, Bye,
Jamie

Nothing like the forged, misspelled autographs of your (neck-and-neck) dream boys! You guys, this kills me.

May 9, 1987

Dear Diary,

I'm so sleepy! I can hardly ceep my peepers open.

Night!
Jamie

June

Dear Diary,

Sorry did not write
dying!
I am dying

Goodbye
For the rest of my life.
I love you.

From
Jamie


June 6, 1987

Dear Diary,

That letter was a phony!
Don't believe it!

Jamie

It's just too easy to pull the wool over your diary's eyes, isn't it?

So Jamie and I never made it to Oz, but we did end up at the same middle school
, where were lab partners two years in a row. We finally cemented our friendship by defiling an educational Archie comic book in 8th grade. Oh, the memories. Now we both live in Portland, so we can have tearful but wild partings on a regular basis.

Speaking of which, the time has come for us to part...

NEXT TIME: I run into some preteen problems—namely, braces.

12 comments:

Fear Street said...

Too good for words.

Makes me all nostalgic :p

nancy said...

That was beautiful.
I especially liked the including of Matthew Broderick as a 'dream boy'. Who could have predicted his demise as Inspector Gadget? Actually in all fairness, the karate kid was smokin. He was one of my dream boys too. He wasn't number one though... that prized position belonged to River Phoenix.

NoseInANovel said...

Every morning I have a tearful but wild parting when I have to leave my cats and go to work.

I had no idea there was a phrase for it. :)

anne-with-an-e said...

There is most definitely a touch of Anne-with-an-e in those entries. Specifically the "the time has come for us to part" which if I remember correctly is the phrase the school teacher who chastised Anne after she broke the slate over Gilbert's head used when he was leaving the school district. Probably because he had less than properly liaised with Prissy.

And there you go, my Anne nerd-dom has surfaced yet again.

zanne said...

That is cute. I love the diary entry that she wrote in the dark! ha. That's cool that you and Jamie were pen pals in elementary school!

Sada said...

Thanks, anne-with-an-e! I suspected Lucy Maud Montgomery was somehow behind the tearful but wild parting but I did not have the cold, hard facts to back it up. Speaking of which, Mr. Phillips + Prissy = EW.

anne-with-an-e said...

Good old LMM. I must have read those books 20 times each.

I always found the Prissy/Mr. Phillips relationship creepier in the movie than in the book, because the guy's kinda old, where, in the book, I can imagine (how anne-like) that he's really only in his early 20's or something, so it's not AS creepy. But still, yes, ew.

Also, I have found that I cannot read this blog at work because it makes me burst into fits of laughter at inopportune times. It reminds me very much of my adolescent writings which are fraught with drama and the pesky cheerfulness that comes from deliciously reveling in the angst that only a normal average 10 year old can feel.

Bridget Locke said...

Oh...speaking of Anne of Green Gables, I watched that miniseries the other day. Man, I had such a crush on Gilbert when I was 14, but now when I see him I keep thinking that he looks and sounds like a girl. Ew! Still love the first 2 though. The third one was a waste of film. Grr...!

Oh and I found my story! I'll have to email it to you somewhere along the line. Trust me, it's awful! :D

Jamie said...

What's really worse is that Jon only had a vague notion of who I was, but luckily my third grade self wasn't focused on that aspect. And it's too bad that my taste in men has changed over the years because Ralph Macchio looks exactly the same.

Jamie said...

Also, Matthew Broderick made "dream boy" status after I saw Project X, because saving monkeys gets me hot.

obie119 said...

I was wondering what had catapulted Matthew to "dream boy" status because I was totally into Ferris Bueller around the same time! Never saw Project X.

I love the part about a tree being a plant. ?!? I made an embarrassing noise at work while reading that!

Deathycat said...

I love this. Makes me wish I'd kept a diary.