Sunday, January 11, 2009

Dear Sister 2

Some of you (well, okay, maybe just one of you) e-mailed me after the last post to express a bit of concern over the state of guest author Deathycat's mental health. Just because she wrote about offing some siblings in fifth grade! Yeesh! Did you not read how conceited those girls were?! Anyway, as such, I would like to take a moment to officially defend young Deathycat's right to dramatize all the child murders she likes.

My own prepubescent fascination with death was, admittedly, not as intense as Deathycat's, but believe you me, it existed. For example, my siblings and I used to play a rather morbid game called MURDERER. I can't remember who came up with the idea, though I have a sinking suspicion that it was me. My brother was something of an unwitting participant, as he was a preschooler at the time. My sister and I—being high and mighty elementary schoolers—could usually lull my brother into submitting to our various schemes, which almost always involved dressing him up like a girl. In the case of MURDERER, however, we fake-killed him.

Here's how it worked: One player of the game would be the murderer, and the rest of the players would lie in bed pretending to be asleep. Then the murderer would break in (read: open the door) and promptly slaughter everyone, generally via stabbing. And that was about it. There were no winners in MURDERER. Because in murder, no one wins. Did you hear that, Andy?

LAST TIME: In part one of guest author Deathycat's sibling rivalry bloodfest, crazies Andy and Izzy killed their respective "dear" sisters and then expressed a total lack of remorse. Did I mention they're both batshit insane?

Deathycat says: Dear Sister 2 was written in October 1995 while watching a Road Rules marathon [Sada says: Because few things can breed murderous rage like an MTV reality show!], and Dear Sister 3 in either November or December of that same year. Unfortunately, they never had the pleasure of being acted out. And Amanda didn't help write these at all.

Dear Sister 2

Act 1

Rosin Lee: I still dont believe it. It has been one entire year since Charlette and Melony were murdered.

Violet: I know I know. Poor, poor Charlette Hazel. It has been exactly one year today since Mr and Mrs Hazel moved away with Izzabella.

Rosin Lee: Poor Izzey. It must be horrible to loose a sister like that.

Violet: The same thing with Andrea Drexil. Loosing Having a sister die. Just like Izzabella! To have both of those monster loosing having their sisters die two days apart. It just makes you wonder.

Sada says: Ahem. They totally died two weeks apart.

Rosin Lee: What are you talking about Violet?

Violet: I'm just saying that they didn't like their sisters very much. That--

Rosin Lee: Are you saying that Andy and Izzey murdered Melony and Charlette!

Violet: No. I was just saying-

Rosin Lee: Are you saying my soon to be stepsister murdered her own sister?

Violet: No, I--

Rosin Lee: Bye Violet!

Violet: Rosin Lee!

(Rosin Lee walks of stage left as Violet turns and goes off stage right)

Sada says: To recap: Violet implies that Izzy and Andy murdered their sisters. Rosin Lee asks whether Violet is implying that Izzy and Andy murdered their sisters. Violet's all, "No, no, of course not!"

Act 2

Andrea: Dear Izzey, My mother's getting remarried. After the divore two years ago, I thought my mother had lost all faith in men. Me and Alison write to each other sometimes. Why couldn't daddy take Melony instead of Alison? She was the sister I actually liked. I'm also going to get a new stepsister. Her name is Rosin Lee Detwiler. Dumb nam Huh? She's Okay I guess, but she has a looser friend named Violet Zwick. An even dumber name. Don't worry Izzy I'll take care of her. Well how's life for you in Mississippi. I'll get back to you. You're Pal Andy Drexil. Good letter Andy, good letter.

Sada says: I don't know what's with the "Good letter, Andy, good letter" part, but I like to think the voices in Andy's head are spilling over onto paper.

(Rosin Lee knocks on the door)

Rosin Lee: Andy, may I come in?

Andrea: Sure Rosin Lee.

Rosin Lee: Andy, there's something I've been meaning to ask you.

Andrea: Yeah

Rosin Lee: See, umm, there are these rumers around. About last year.

Andy: Yeah! SO!

Sada says: Not defensive at all, nope.

Rosin Lee: Some people believe that you and Izzey murdered Melony and Charlette.

Andrea: And you, believe that.

Rosin Lee: Well, actually-

Andrea: Get out of my room!

Rosin Lee: I'm sorry, Andy.

Andrea: Get out Rosin Lee, get out, now.

Sada says: Telling a mentally unstable murderer that you suspect her of being a mentally unstable murderer? Fantastic plan, Rosin Lee!

Act 3

Violet: Lanora, can I talk to you.

Lanora: Sure! kiddo, what's up? Is something wrong Violet?

Violet: Well, actually, yes! You see, my friend Rosin Lee. Well her father is getting married to Andrea Drexil's mom, Melody.

Lanora: Wasn't she the girl that was murdered last year.

Violet: No. That was Melony.

Lanora: Well go on, go on. I didn't meant to interupt.

Violet: Well I just told Rosin Lee about some rumers that Izzey and Andy murdered Charlette and Melony last year.

Lanora: Are you trying to turn Rosin Lee against Andy?

Violet: NO! Of course not!

Lanora: Then Why tell her that?

Violet: I don't know. It's just that Andy is gong to be Rosin Lee's stepsister. And I thought she should know. And now Rosin Lee's mad at me. I just don't know what to do sis.

Lenora: Neither do I.

Violet: I'm going for a walk.

Lenora: But it's dark outside and after ten.

Sada says: If you are a character in Dear Sister, you should never, EVER go for a walk. Especially after ten!!!

Violet: By sis.

(Violet walks off stage left)

Act 4

Andy: Hmm. This could be useful in my plan. In order to get rid of Rosin Lee, I have to get rid of Violet.

(An Evil grin spreads across her face as she starts to follow Violet and pulls out her knife)

(She feels the blade)

Andrea: Oww. It's sharp enough. Say your prayers, Violet Zwick

(Andrea walks off stage right)

Violet: Aggghh

Act 5 (A few days later)

(Rosin Lee is crying and Andrea looks sympathetic)

Rosin Lee: I cant believe Violet is dead. She was my best friend, and now she's dead!

Andrea: I know. And in the same way Melony and Charlette died. It just brings back so many horrifying memories.

Rosin Lee: Yeah

Andrea: You want to take a walk with me to the ridge.

Sada says: Not a walk! NOOOOOOOOO!

Rosin Lee: Yeah, sure. I have nothing better to do.

Andrea: Good! Let's go!

Act 6

Rosin Lee: It's beautiful, isn't' it?

Andrea: No it's deadly.

Rosin Lee: Andy, what are you talking about?

Andrea: I'm just saying. Violet died, and now it's your turn.

(Andrea slips and falls off the cliff)

Rosin Lee: Andy!

Andrea: Aggghhh!

Sada says: Free tip for any would-be murderers: It may be wise to bring potential stabbing victims to a location slightly less dangerous than, say, a cliff's edge.

(Alison makes her grand apearance)

Alison: What have you done to my sister!

Rosin Lee: What? Who are you?

Sada says: Seriously! Where did she come from???

Alison: I'm Alison Drexil! Now what have you done to my sister?

Rosin Lee: Andy fell off the ridge.

Alison: No she didn't! You killed her!

Rosin Lee: No-- Look, it's the police!

Alison: Huh?

Sada says: How in God's name did the cops get there so fast? Did they, like, teleport to the ridge? That's amazing!

Rosin Lee: Andria Drexil fell off the ridge! I'm Rosin Lee Detwiler, and this is Alison Drexil!

Alison: What's going on here?

(Rosin Lee runs off to join the police at the bottom of the ridge. Alison looks over the edge.)

Alison: I'll get her for you, Andy Drexil. Mark my word.

The End?

Deathycat says: Yes, I put a question mark.

Sada says: I think you all know this, but the answer is HELLS NO, that's not the end.

NEXT TIME: Alison exacts her revenge, and it involves a pizza with Rosin Lee's least favorite toppings. Mua ah ah ah ah!


Heliotrope said...

I think fascination with death must be something of a common thread in adolescence.

My childhood friends and I used to play a game called "My dear departed friend" in which one of us would lay in repose on the bed and the others would come around and try to act sad and offer eulogies. The goal was to make it through without bursting into giggle fits. We never made it.

We also used to play "how did you die?" which mostly involved one person picking a method of death and laying in a manner that would indicate that one had died from electrocution/strangulation, etc. My favorite was from old age which consisted of laying in front of the tv.

So, I don't really question Deathycat's sanity because I'm just as crazy.

Deathycat said...

Wow. I feel so scandelous. ^_^ In response to the person who questioned my mental health I will admit there was a lot of issues going on in my home life and I probably should've been in therapy. But I think I've turned out okay. I haven't tried to kill anyone. Yet... ^_-

And you guys played such cool games! I envy you! We had Midnight Murder which was just glorified Hide and Seek, and Ghost in the Graveyard, which was always fun. MURDERER and How did you die? sounds like a blast.

And Sada, I about died laughing reading your comments. ^_^

zanne said...

Yeah--Sada, your comments were hilarious!

My mom pretty much freaked out when I wrote or acted out anything even remotely suggesting death. We were not allowed to do any of that. When my sister and I played Barbies though, I always made them get injured.

Nancy said...

Yeah, it's not mental at all!
Didn't everyone's parents organize that game for birthday parties where you sit in a circle in the dark? You pass round items and they tell ghost story saying crap like 'these were his eyes..' while all the kids finger a bowl of lychees or something.
Er. I'm hoping that wasn't just my parents. And that they were lychees.

Anonymous said...

"..My favorite was from old age which consisted of laying in front of the tv.."

Kylie90210 said...

I'm confused Michelle... Where was Allison in the first part? So the three sisters were Allison, Andrea and Melony?

Loving the stories though :D

Deathycat said...

The short answer is she didn't exist when the first one was written. The long answer is Alison was off living with their dad because of their incredibly complicated custody decision which I explain in detail in the rewrite of Dear Sister. I rewrote this thing so many times....