My own prepubescent fascination with death was, admittedly, not as intense as Deathycat's, but believe you me, it existed. For example, my siblings and I used to play a rather morbid game called MURDERER. I can't remember who came up with the idea, though I have a sinking suspicion that it was me. My brother was something of an unwitting participant, as he was a preschooler at the time. My sister and I—being high and mighty elementary schoolers—could usually lull my brother into submitting to our various schemes, which almost always involved dressing him up like a girl. In the case of MURDERER, however, we fake-killed him.
Here's how it worked: One player of the game would be the murderer, and the rest of the players would lie in bed pretending to be asleep. Then the murderer would break in (read: open the door) and promptly slaughter everyone, generally via stabbing. And that was about it. There were no winners in MURDERER. Because in murder, no one wins. Did you hear that, Andy?
LAST TIME: In part one of guest author Deathycat's sibling rivalry bloodfest, crazies Andy and Izzy killed their respective "dear" sisters and then expressed a total lack of remorse. Did I mention they're both batshit insane?
Deathycat says: Dear Sister 2 was written in October 1995 while watching a Road Rules marathon [Sada says: Because few things can breed murderous rage like an MTV reality show!], and Dear Sister 3 in either November or December of that same year. Unfortunately, they never had the pleasure of being acted out. And Amanda didn't help write these at all.
Dear Sister 2
Rosin Lee: I still dont believe it. It has been one entire year since Charlette and Melony were murdered.
Violet: I know I know. Poor, poor Charlette Hazel. It has been exactly one year today since Mr and Mrs Hazel moved away with Izzabella.
Rosin Lee: Poor Izzey. It must be horrible to loose a sister like that.
Violet: The same thing with Andrea Drexil.
Loosing Having a sister die. Just like Izzabella! To have both of those monster loosing having their sisters die two days apart. It just makes you wonder.
Sada says: Ahem. They totally died two weeks apart.
Rosin Lee: What are you talking about Violet?
Violet: I'm just saying that they didn't like their sisters very much. That--
Rosin Lee: Are you saying that Andy and Izzey murdered Melony and Charlette!
Violet: No. I was just saying-
Rosin Lee: Are you saying my soon to be stepsister murdered her own sister?
Violet: No, I--
Rosin Lee: Bye Violet!
Violet: Rosin Lee!
(Rosin Lee walks of stage left as Violet turns and goes off stage right)
Sada says: To recap: Violet implies that Izzy and Andy murdered their sisters. Rosin Lee asks whether Violet is implying that Izzy and Andy murdered their sisters. Violet's all, "No, no, of course not!"
Andrea: Dear Izzey, My mother's getting remarried. After the divore two years ago, I thought my mother had lost all faith in men. Me and Alison write to each other sometimes. Why couldn't daddy take Melony instead of Alison? She was the sister I actually liked. I'm also going to get a new stepsister. Her name is Rosin Lee Detwiler. Dumb nam Huh? She's Okay I guess, but she has a looser friend named Violet Zwick. An even dumber name. Don't worry Izzy I'll take care of her. Well how's life for you in Mississippi. I'll get back to you. You're Pal Andy Drexil. Good letter
Andy, good letter.
Sada says: I don't know what's with the "Good letter, Andy, good letter" part, but I like to think the voices in Andy's head are spilling over onto paper.
(Rosin Lee knocks on the door)
Rosin Lee: Andy, may I come in?
Andrea: Sure Rosin Lee.
Rosin Lee: Andy, there's something I've been meaning to ask you.
Rosin Lee: See, umm, there are these rumers around. About last year.
Andy: Yeah! SO!
Sada says: Not defensive at all, nope.
Rosin Lee: Some people believe that you and Izzey murdered Melony and Charlette.
Andrea: And you, believe that.
Rosin Lee: Well, actually-
Andrea: Get out of my room!
Rosin Lee: I'm sorry, Andy.
Andrea: Get out Rosin Lee, get out, now.
Sada says: Telling a mentally unstable murderer that you suspect her of being a mentally unstable murderer? Fantastic plan, Rosin Lee!
Violet: Lanora, can I talk to you.
kiddo, what's up? Is something wrong Violet?
Violet: Well, actually, yes! You see, my friend Rosin Lee. Well her father is getting married to Andrea Drexil's mom, Melody.
Lanora: Wasn't she the girl that was murdered last year.
Violet: No. That was Melony.
Lanora: Well go on, go on. I didn't meant to interupt.
Violet: Well I just told Rosin Lee about some rumers that Izzey and Andy murdered Charlette and Melony last year.
Lanora: Are you trying to turn Rosin Lee against Andy?
Violet: NO! Of course not!
Lanora: Then Why tell her that?
Violet: I don't know. It's just that Andy is gong to be Rosin Lee's stepsister. And I thought she should know. And now Rosin Lee's mad at me. I just don't know what to do sis.
Lenora: Neither do I.
Violet: I'm going for a walk.
Lenora: But it's dark outside and after ten.
Sada says: If you are a character in Dear Sister, you should never, EVER go for a walk. Especially after ten!!!
Violet: By sis.
(Violet walks off stage left)
Andy: Hmm. This could be useful in my plan. In order to get rid of Rosin Lee, I have to get rid of Violet.
(An Evil grin spreads across her face as she starts to follow Violet and pulls out her knife)
(She feels the blade)
Andrea: Oww. It's sharp enough. Say your prayers, Violet Zwick
(Andrea walks off stage right)
Act 5 (A few days later)
(Rosin Lee is crying and Andrea looks sympathetic)
Rosin Lee: I cant believe Violet is dead. She was my best friend, and now she's dead!
Andrea: I know. And in the same way Melony and Charlette died. It just brings back so many horrifying memories.
Rosin Lee: Yeah
Andrea: You want to take a walk with me to the ridge.
Sada says: Not a walk! NOOOOOOOOO!
Rosin Lee: Yeah, sure. I have nothing better to do.
Andrea: Good! Let's go!
Rosin Lee: It's beautiful, isn't' it?
Andrea: No it's deadly.
Rosin Lee: Andy, what are you talking about?
Andrea: I'm just saying. Violet died, and now it's your turn.
(Andrea slips and falls off the cliff)
Rosin Lee: Andy!
Sada says: Free tip for any would-be murderers: It may be wise to bring potential stabbing victims to a location slightly less dangerous than, say, a cliff's edge.
(Alison makes her grand apearance)
Alison: What have you done to my sister!
Rosin Lee: What? Who are you?
Sada says: Seriously! Where did she come from???
Alison: I'm Alison Drexil! Now what have you done to my sister?
Rosin Lee: Andy fell off the ridge.
Alison: No she didn't! You killed her!
Rosin Lee: No-- Look, it's the police!
Sada says: How in God's name did the cops get there so fast? Did they, like, teleport to the ridge? That's amazing!
Rosin Lee: Andria Drexil fell off the ridge! I'm Rosin Lee Detwiler, and this is Alison Drexil!
Alison: What's going on here?
(Rosin Lee runs off to join the police at the bottom of the ridge. Alison looks over the edge.)
Alison: I'll get her for you, Andy Drexil. Mark my word.
Deathycat says: Yes, I put a question mark.
Sada says: I think you all know this, but the answer is HELLS NO, that's not the end.
NEXT TIME: Alison exacts her revenge, and it involves a pizza with Rosin Lee's least favorite toppings. Mua ah ah ah ah!