Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Dear Sister

Our first guest author of the new year is Deathycat, who brings us the following three-part tale of sibling rivalry gone horribly, murderously wrong. It makes the Wakefield twins seem downright quaint.

Deathycat says: I present to you Dear Sister, a play I co-wrote with my best friend, Amanda. We wrote it the summer after fifth grade in 1995 when I was 10. Now, unfortunately, this is not the original first draft of Dear Sister. That disappeared shortly after it was written, possibly torn up by my brother and its pieces thrown away by my grandmother, because that was known to happen with my homework. (I love my family, really.) Before it was lost, however, I was making a copy for Amanda to keep. I still have the first page of that. The rest is the version I rewrote from memory after I wrote the sequels. That's right, there's a sequel. And not just one. Two! Judging from my handwriting I rewrote it about a year later.

The title comes from a Sweet Valley High book, though it in no way resembles said book, except that there are sisters involved, which I hope you've guessed. Me and Amanda wrote this to be performed by just the two of us, hence the reason there are only two characters in each scene. I was Charlotte and Andy, and she was Izzy and Melony. I've left it entirely intact: name inconsistencies, misspelled words, wrong punctuation and lack thereof, and odd capitalization.

Dear Sister

Scene One

Charlette: At everything I'm better than you, Izzabella.

Izzey: You are not, Charlette!

Charlette: Are too. I have the most beautiful silky blond locks, the most gorgeos green eyes you will ever see, and a smile that will brighten up anybody's day. Just face it Izzabella, I'm just plain beauatiful, and theres nothing you can do about it.

Izzey: Oh, no?

Sada says: Dun dun dun! Come on, though—she is practically begging for a murdering. You cannot yammer on about how "gorgeos" and "beauatiful" you are and expect to get out of this play alive.

Charlette: I'm going over Melony's. (she walks off stage right)

Izzey: (yells after her) Well that makes sense, snobs always hang together. Now where's Andy? (walks off stage right)

Scene Two

Izzey: There you are, Andy.

Andy: What took you so long? I'v been waiting here for ten minutes.

Izzey: I got in another arguement with Charlette.

Andy: And what she say this time?

Izzey: She is so sick.

Andy: That's what she said? That she is sooooo sick.

Izzey: No! That is not what she said. She said she was better then me at everything. Her hair, her eyes, even her smile. She is so sick.

Deathycat says: End of copied first page. Here's the rest from the later version. The spelling of Izzy's and Charlotte's names have been changed.

Andy: I know what we should do.

Izzy: What?

Andy: Kill her.

Izzy: (surprised) You're joking.

Andy: No. Admit it, you'd be much better off if you didn't have Charlotte to ruin your life. It's the same way between me and Melony, so what do you say.

Izzy: Andy, I think you're brilliant.

Sada says: Well, that didn't take too much convincing.

Scene Three

Charlotte: (walking up to Melony) Sorry I'm late, but my juvinile sister started a fight with me.

Melony: Sisters. They can be so juvinile. Who needs them.

Sada says: Love that line. I also like how in Charlotte's mind, Izzy started the fight by not agreeing that Charlotte is the more attractive sibling. Wow, am I siding with the psychos so far?

Charlotte: At least I don't have two of them.

Melony: Andria and Alyson. What a pair. But you're forgetting, my dearest friend, Alison lives with Daddy, I live with Mother and Andria.

Deathycat says: Alison wasn't mentioned in the original draft. I remember I added her in because she appears in Dear Sister 3. And apparently I wasn't sure of the spelling of her name.

Charlotte: I hate sisters.

Melony: God knows I do.

Scene Four

Andy: (walking up to Melony) Melony.

Melony: Yeah, Andy?

Andy: I need to talk to you.

Melony: I'm listening.

Andy: No, not here. I was thinking more like in the woods, where nobody can hear us.

Sada says: Cue the violin of insanity, please.

Melony: All right. Just wait a sec, I have to put on my jacket. It sure is chilly for August, aint it, Andy?

Andy: It sure is.

Deathycat says: The murder scene was completely different in the original. It made less sense. There was less of a struggle, and I'm pretty sure cliff-pushing was involved in at least one of their deaths. After I read the Fear Street Cheerleaders series, dying via being pushed off a cliff was the way to go.

Scene Five

Melony: It sure is a nice night out.

Andy: (shrugging) I suppose. There are better things to do than spend time outside.

Melony: But you suggested we take the walk.

Andy: (stopping) I know. But then again, I have an ulterior motive, we all do.

Sada says: So far, Andy seems to have no motive at all. Unless being wackadoodle counts as a motive.

Melony: What do you mean.

Andy: (pulling out her knife) Many people would be afraid of a knife in a position such as this. Are you afraid, Dear Sister Melony?

Melony: (nervous) No. No. No, of course not. Andy, what would you do with a knife? But why on earth did you bring a knife with you anyway? Is this what you wanted to talk to me about?

Sada says: "Yes, Melony, I really enjoy discussing cutlery, especially in a secluded area on a cool summer's eve. Like, do you think mom and dad are letting the knives get too dull? Maybe we should talk them into one of those electric sharpeners. I'm worried someone might nick a finger or something."

Andy: No, Melony. For this knife is to kill you with, my dear sister.

Melony: (slowly backing away) Andy.

Andy: Run now sister, and I might just give you another chance to live.

Deathycat says: Lines from this scene are so lifted from Last Act by Christopher Pike. It's from the murder scene in the play they perform, Final Chance. I must've written this later than I thought. The end of seventh grade, at least.

Melony: Go away, you crazy girl! (she began to run)

Andy: (runs after Melony and eventually catches her) Thought you could get away from me, Dear Sister Melony. (she takes the knife and stabs her in her side)

Melony: Andy! Please! (she begins to cry)

Andy: Please what? (she takes the knife up to her throat) Say the magic words and I'll let you go.

Melony: Andy! Please! Oh, Please, Andy! Please!

Andy: Please what, Dear Sister Melony.

Melony: Please let me go! I won't tell anyone!

Andy: Wrong what. I'm going to have to kill you now, Dear Sister Melony.

Melony: Noooo….

Scene Six

Izzy: (is sitting with Charlotte) It's really so sad about Melony.

Charlotte: (crying) Yeah. And what makes it worse is they have no idea what happened that night.

Izzy: You want to go for a walk?

Charlotte: In the woods?

Izzy: Yeah. You got to face your fears sooner or later. Rather sooner.

Charlotte: I suppose you're right, let's go.

Sada says: Taking a leisurely stroll past the site of your best friend's brutal murder? Sounds like a lovely way to spend the evening!

Scene Seven

Charlotte: To think, just two weeks ago Melony was killed in this place. It's so sad. You know, Izzy?

Izzy: Yeah. (she takes out the knife) Yeah.

Charlotte: (gasps) What's that?

Izzy: Goodbye, dear sister. (she stabs Charlotte, killing her)

Scene Eight

Andy: (comes running up to Izzy.) Do you feel guilty about Melony and Charlotte?

Izzy: No.

Andy: Neither do I.

The End.

Deathycat says: I remember writing this part originally and trying to make it seem like Andy was a little hesitant, like she might've regretted it. I think I was trying to make her seem like not such a bad person. She is. She really, really is. This is a story that I rewrote several times, and Andy became more depraved in each incarnation.

Amanda and I performed this for Mother and Fathery-Type-Person Fred. I think they were more confused by it than anything. A few days later I had the neighborhood children, who were all younger than me but not by that much, act it out. I took the role of Izzy and let Brian play Andy, since it was a unisex name and I wouldn't even dream of changing the names. Our audience was a couple of four-year-olds.

Sada says: This would have blown my mind at age four. Especially if one of the sisters was played by a boy.

NEXT TIME: The Dear Sister saga continues! Andy's mom is getting remarried, and I'm going to go out on a limb and say that's probably bad news for Andy's dear soon-to-be stepsister.


Nys said...

May I just say Hahahahahahahahahaha this is the best blog of all time and if it ever ends I will be extremely unhappy.

jms said...

This makes me wish I had scripts from the (unscripted) Barbie games my sister and I used to play. Inevitably, a couple of dolls would get into a fight--always over something like a perceived snub--and one or more would get all emo and commit suicide by jumping off the arm of the couch. The suicides were always my sister's idea, and she took them very seriously. (And I thought I was a weird kid.)

Sada said...

I am laughing out loud at the mental image of Barbie committing suicide off the arm of the couch.

Nancy said...

Wow that scene where Andy suggests they murder their sisters was very Hitchcock. It's almost the exact plot Strangers on a Train. Except they weren't strangers. Or on a train. Huh.

Kathryn said...

hehehe ... love it.

zanne said...

Loved it! It does kinda remind me of a scene from a Christopher Pike book.

I can't imagine performing it for 4 year olds though. Were they freaked out?

Fear Street said...


I love this stuff.

Deathycat said...

Hahahahah! Andy talking about cutlery makes me laugh. ^_^ You know, I don't think the four-year-olds were all that disturbed. They were kind of used to my obsession with death and murder I think.

And JMS, I so did Barbie suicides. And Barbie gang warfare. *sniffle* I wish I still had them.

Kylie90210 said...

Oh Deathy, I love it! I was laughing out loud at work! Not a good thing :D

Anonymous said...

I'm not certain you made up that game, because I remember playing murderer too. Although in our version it was modified that if someone caught the murderer before she tapped someone then she was out.

Sal said...

I was laughing so hard reading this I thought I was going to have a heart attack. It so perfectly represents the 7th grade girl writing style. I'm sure if I had written it I would have been 100% sure (at the time) it would receive the Nobel prize in literature. Now I kind of think it does deserve the Nobel prize, especially with the comments. Genius.